Thoughts about my happiness and my family’s responsibility to make or keep me happy.
I always thought that my husband, Doug, should be romantic. He should plan dates, trips and special things that I think are romantic. He should talk to me about our dreams and plans for the future and other things that I think are important. I really wanted him to be romantic, and doesn’t it say somewhere in the Bible that “man should be romantic”? Our marriage would be better if he was romantic. I would be happier if he was romantic. Our family life would be better if he was romantic. Isn’t that true?
What do you believe your husband should be or do, or not do? Is your house a mess because he doesn’t help clean, or even pick up after himself? Are your finances in disarray because he is bad with money and buys too much stuff? Are your kids out of control because he does not spend time with them? Are you unhappy and alone because he is not the godly man he should be? All right, now ask yourself this question about each of the previous statements/questions, “Is that true?”
Let’s just look at one “should” statement. If some one is not “romantic” can it be true that he should be? The reality is that he is not “romantic,” that is the truth. Now, there might be a possibility that he could learn to be romantic, or learn to pick up his clothes, or whatever you think he “should” be or do. . .but right now that is not the truth. If the truth is that he is not “romantic” what does that mean for me?
I cannot change him; I need to focus on me and my actions, that is who/what I can change. If I need romance in my life then I can be romantic, with my husband, of course. I can plan dates, and weekend get-a-ways, or quiet talks by the fire. He won’t cooperate? Well, don’t give up on him. Keep “being” and chances are that he will come around, at least that has been my experience. But until he does, find a girl friend to do “ro-tic” things with. (That is romantic with out the “man.”) Go out for coffee, talk about your dreams, laugh together. The point is if I “need” romance in my life I can have it by creating it myself.
If I wait for others to be romantic I may be waiting a long time. Let’s look at some of the other things we blame on our husbands (or others). I can’t keep my house clean because my husband is a “slob.” Is that true? Maybe he is a slob, is that the real reason your house is in chaos, or at least not in good order? Or is the truth related more to your activity or lack of it? I don’t ask this to shame you. I ask because I’ve been there, I am there and it is human nature to blame others for the “state of chaos” that I live in. I think “Those kids, if they would only pick up after themselves, my life would be a lot easier.” I thought this as I picked up MY craft stuff, MY dirty dishes, MY shoes and socks . . . you get the picture. Then I would justify myself by saying that leaving my things lying about was ok because I was going to have to pick it up.
Today as you have random thoughts about your life and how much better it would be “if he” or “if they” would only______, ask yourself how much different your life would be “if I” would only ________. When we look to others to make us happy, or to keep our lives in balance we are looking in the wrong direction. I have a magnet on my refrigerator that says, “I dreamed my whole house was clean.” If my house is clean only in my dreams it most likely is because I’ve spent more time on dreaming, having good intentions than acting on my intentions. Cynthia